I do not know how to start this. It’s been a while. Bearly Running hasn’t gone to plan so far. And I am not talking about reach or financial gain or anything external, which isn’t even the point of this. I am talking about myself. How I commited to it. How I approached things in the last couple of months or even since the beginning. So let’s do a recap and see how we can proceed from this.
First of all, the situation
Last year, right after the inception and publication of Bearly Running, I have been dealing with depression and passive suicidal thoughts. I talked to my doctor and we decided that the best way forward was to undergo an inpatient stay at a psychological clinic. That set me back, but I was still determined.
During my stay there we found a medication plan, that was working really well for me, but one of those had some side effects. Those manifested in a lack of energy and an increase in my appetite with a lack of control over it. So mentally I was feeling way better, but physically not so much. Also, due to the nature of this particular clinic, the focus was on getting me stable, but not fixing the underlying issues.
Since then, I have found a psychiatrist and we managed to tweak my medication so far that I am getting my energy outside of work back. But this is only the beginning, Also, I am still struggling with finding a therapist.
Oh, and my current work is now taking a mental toll on me, that I can no longer ignore. More on this later. Anyways, long story short, over the last year I gained over 30 kg, I stopped studying before it even began and my current working environment is a huge negative factor, when it comes to my mental health. And I failed to document anything and let you be part of the downward cycle.
So, how do we continue from this
- Get my nutrition back on track in a way, that fuels my life and also is not another burden.
- Loose weight and start running again.
- Document my progress and process.
- Figure out the work issue.
Basically, to build a foundation, that is unshakable and unnegotiable and represents the idea and mission statement of Bearly Running.
Now to the execution
- Work with my nutrition coach
- Build a physical basis through weight lifting and mobility, that allows me to run. Even with the excess weight
- Post an update at least once a week
- Change things at work or leave my circumstances, since accepting is no longer an option.
Sounds simple, right? Well, yes and no. Whilst all of these tasks are valid and quite neccessary to achieve the desired results, in order for it to be sustainable, I have to look at those four tasks and decide which one is the most critical. Even though they all sound important, would I focus on all of them at once with the attention they all deserve, i would be burned out in a couple of days, won’t be able to muster up the energy to do any of them and would be back to square one. My mind and body will need to adapt and in order to do that I need to divide those topics first and then start.
Back to the execution
The most significant one of all those is my work situation. It influences not only my mental state in a major way, but also how much physical energy I have left outside of work and how much time I need for recovery on the weekends. Meaning, my first step is to find a new job. I already started with updating my VC and sending out applications. And I will continue to do so. In the meantime, I will do what is asked of me at work and I am still responsible for my work, which I do not take lightly. But that also means, that in my mind, I am no longer responsible for fixing everything, especially things other people fucked up and don’t even have the courage to ask for help.
That being said, that does not mean the other tasks fall behind or are no longer a priority of mine. It just means, I do not have the mental capability to focus on all of them with the same intensity. So, for Bearly Running, I will still try to post once a week, but at least once a month and maybe a litte story in between. As for my nutrition, I will keep it simple. Focusing on nutritional food, with a lower calorie density and more protein. And as far as my physical training goes, I will try to move every day. Maybe just a walk, or going to the gym, or going for a run. Starting this whole process simple and manageable. Because if I learned one thing, small frequent actions beat one huge leap every single time!
now what?
So what does this all even mean? Well, life is hard. Life will beat us all down. And the situations might change from one day to the other. One day you are climbing mountains with ease, the other you cannot even walk from your bed to the kitchen. What I am willing to share is a setback of one person. Myself. Completely open. Some people have it worse, some not. It does not matter. This is supposed to show an assessment of my current situation. The thoughts of what needs to change and how for myself. And the most important thing is, that you start somewhere and stay consistent. And it all starts with one step!
Talk to you soon and keep taking that one step!
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